Warning To All who read this, this will be very graphic and will also be a very adult so read on if you must but this stands a warning to the world of my 1 maybe 2 readers

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Todays topic is not that one which i often find my self contemplating Life and all the things that come with it... First things though this may sound like it I'm not suicidal...

I have reallized that recently that I hate life, I have grown to the point to where it seems like nothing makes me even the smallest bit happy, well one thing does, Shaizic, but even seems like she has noticed how my mood is slowly growing worse. I blow up at people for the smallest things, I cant seem to find something that just says "Here I am, I'm what your body wants..." good lord that would make life better. I keep getting this feeling that i should sell everything pack only what i need and go east i dont know why but im just drawn to the east, always the east...

What this is really ment to say tho is I'm finally to my breaking point and i just dont know what to do, its really hard to get up everyday and go to work, knowing that the more i work the less i make v.v my boss is a dick and I'm tired of having to work at a job that is never going to get better, I was even told that there is no abbillity to move up in the ranks there, WHAT THE FUNK IS THE POINT THEN>?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?

The past week has been so bad that I almost ended the one thing that I hold dear my relation with shaizic, it all started when I got poisen oak from a hike i went on with a friend it spread from my ankles up to my shoulders, and i do mean everywhere between, so then I had to miss work for 4 days, meaning that i sat home and just thought to my self, cus i could not reach anybody, so that was bad then when im almost cured my Car stereo gets stolen, and my wallet that shaizic gave me, I loved that wallet i know she had to have spent at least 100+ on it v.v so that made my week even worse then come to find out all of the bolderdashed me into thinking that shaizic did not care about me, I dont know why, so then i yelled at her and we got into a 4 hour long convo that at 2.456 hours into it i almost lost her completely. yes i actually did the math. So i am really ready to just give up and say funk it and leave everything, i just dont know what to do anymore, and it seems like shaizic and i dont ever get to see each other anymore v.v i just cant take it any more, if any one has any good news please tell me i really need a good light right now cus im almost a lost cause.....

grey out....